My College Lifeline
A (partial) reunion of the Tuesday night girls in Utrecht, winter 2016.
You could set your calendar by it. Every Tuesday evening, one of my friends cooks dinner, I provide the wine (always white, often sweet), and the rest of the girls arrive one by one from whatever they've been doing. We eat together, we drink together, and, most importantly, we discuss our lives and the people in it.
While in college, that Tuesday ritual was my lifeline. Whatever was going on in our lives – whether we were going through peaks or valleys – on Tuesday night we could talk about it, laugh about it, and support each other through it.
I did not meet these girls until I was in my second year of my bachelor's degree. I had already made some good friends during my first year but did not meet with them on a regular basis. In fact, especially when we were all stressed out (deadlines! finals!) and could use some mental support, we barely saw each other, because nobody made time for each other.
And that's one of the reasons why, at the start of my second year at university college, I almost succumbed to the pressure. It all became too much, and I started missing deadlines left and right. My perfectionism turned into full-fledged anxiety. I found it near impossible to admit I was, in fact, failing.
Because no one who knew me really well was checking up on me and missed me when I stopped showing up, I could easily withdraw into my misery. After many, many sleepless nights, I finally dared to send an email to my tutor. We had a few very good conversations and she helped me to form a plan of action, which, in the end, helped me pass my courses after all.
I had learned my lesson: sometimes, to get moving again, you simply to reach out to others. In my case, just the opportunity to tell my story helped to reduce the problem. My personal 'mountain' became a molehill again.
The rest of my time at college went a lot smoother, and I contribute a big part of that to those Tuesday nights. By meeting regularly and talking about our lives, we were able to see our demons for what they really were. For me, our Tuesday dinners became a constant reality check which forced me to stop any tendency to blow up small issues into big problems.
A recent, double-date edition of our old Tuesday ritual. This time somewhere in Sweden on New Year's Eve, 2017.
By now, it has been several years since I graduated. And if you would ask me whether, during my work as editor and copywriter, I still depend on my knowledge acquired during Methods & Statistics 110 or Film and Text 337, the answer would be: no, not really. However, what do I still do, at least on a weekly basis? Text, call, or meet up with my Tuesday night girls . . .
This column originally appeared in the DeDecaan.net student newsletter on November 11, 2016. Read the original (Dutch) text here.